DMV

The DMV is often the source of humor and ridicule regarding its over-bearing bureaucracy and lack of expediency. We've all had our far share of silly moments when getting new car tags or a driver's licence. Old Communist Russia, when criticized about its long lines just to get toilet paper probably shrugged it off by stating "look at those long lines at the DMV!" DMV incidents could be (and probably is) an entire blog unto itself. So, bearing that in mind, I just wanted to add another in a long list of complaints/anecdotes that I hope someone is keeping track of and can turn into a best-seller (or maybe a folk album? Sufjan?).

Nonetheless, I will add yet another tale of misery and woe concerning one's plight to that black hole of efficiency. Having recently lost/misplaced my driver's license I obviously needed to attain a new one. Because of my youthful good looks, I obviously needed proper ID in order to maintain my legality, specifically if I wanted to enjoy a pleasant drink (or even vote, or even drive). After navigating online to see if I could re-order one on the not so user-friendly local government website, I discovered that I needed my driver license number to re-order one. Apparently I should have that number committed to memory (given our present age when it is no longer legal in the District to use your SSN as you DL number, which is just as well. I'm not too concerned about someone stealing my identity with my lost license, though when the CC bills with the trip to Maui start pouring in...). Without that info I would have to take the sojourn downtown.

I got up early in the hopes of getting closer to the front of the line. However, I forgot to take into account that no matter how early you get up, someone else is getting up earlier, in this case about 4o people. And there we stood in front of the deteriorating 301 building waiting for them to open the doors. The time at this point was 7:50, so I had at least 25 minutes. Luckily I had a book. Always bring a book/paper/magazine to the DMV (as well as make absolutely sure you have every piece of documentation necessary or you will be sent home in shame). Finally the doors opened and a uniformed guard came out and explained the ground rules, which contained some very valuable rules, the most important one being if you come to the DMV early and have to wait in line, do not bring a bag. Let me repeat, do not bring a bag/sack/purse of any sort. Why is this detail important? Because you get to pass through the significantly shorter line for the metal detector. My position moved up at least 20 places because of this. (Another important rule, do not bring anything that may resemble a weapon, including key chains from New Mexico given as a present from your mother, which is a whole other story for a different day.)

Unfortunately my moment of triumph lasted all of two minutes. A little lady came out into the hall and said that the mainframe was down and so they couldn't process anything. If only I had a picture of the faces who had chosen this very day to make their trek to the DMV. They were full of sadness and supressed anger. Certainly they couldn't fault the messenger but needed to lash out against something. At that moment I chose to silently chide the mayor, knowing that it was pointless, given that he isn't even running for re-election. I imagined the mayor as Sisyphus having to continually go through the DMV line only to be rejected because of a missing document or downed computer. I was reminded of a line from Tender Mercies spoken by Max, "I don't trust happiness." The DMV has that effect. I left, needing to get to work where at least I know my mainframe will be operating. The sad thing is this is the second time in a row this has happened to me at the DMV. Hopefully when I go back tomorrow the third time will be the charm.